today i spent my entire saturday completing my first essay assignment. it is an extremely unproductive rate...but i'm quite pleased with my work so i guess that's fine. ended up not studying sociology though. actually i could still study now.... but nah.
workload has been piling with draft proposal for council event and school assignments. zzzz. doesn't sound like a lot and technically my school work would not be as bad as the local uni people, but, this invisible school work pressure due to the absence of "tutorials" (except for economics) is greater than you think. i'd rather be occupied with tutorials to keep me on track and be exam prepped, than having to find my own track...and i'm not even sure if it's the right one. a lot of independence to build, a lot of self-discipline to maintain.
close friends would know i'm not very into socialisation. (by the way, if you understand this, you would know it does not mean i am not a "sociable person" >:} )
last weekend i had a camp with my fellow council mates from welfare dept and i must say, i did enjoy it quite a bit. i'm not particularly fond of camps, so i guess it's because the duration of 2d1n was in the comfortable range for me. haha. had a good time getting to know my event members, or "Runners", as we call it, better. the level of enthusiasm was again, in the comfortable range for me. hahaha if you must know, my tension/excitement level takes very long to rise in such socialising situations. i have no idea why, though i think i do know why and it's that........... sorry, unless i know you very well and you know me very well and i know that you know me very well and i know we are genuinely not awkward with each other....... i will always keep a distance. ha ha. so i guess that distance is where my excitement level can't pass. ~_~
on thursday i had my last chiropractic session, lunch with my mum at her workplace raffles place, and spent my afternoon studying at nlb with two new friends >:) in the evening was the first outing with fellow Runners at playnation, and yes, i had fun dancing to the kinect game LOL. but then it was still raining when we left; it was a little past 11 and i couldn't get a freaking cab and i just wanted to be home so badly HAHAHA.
lately too, there have been invitations to "bash" or just "lets go drinking", and i've gladly not responded to any ha ha ha. can somebody explain to me the goodness one will get from clubbing and getting a hangover and not remembering what happened to you for the past six hours? i do not comprehend. maybe it's not that happening to most people, maybe it's just drinking and dancing and taking pictures and not having a hangover and just going home at weeee hours and struggle to wake the next day. i still do not comprehend. in the past when we were underage we used to say, "okay i think we need to try clubbing once. try the drinks. know what they are. so we won't get swindled by dirty people."
now i'm nineteen, am all legal to go "clubbing" and get a drink.
but, no means no.
i do not see the need to "rebel" (sorry i like to quote) even though now it seems like if you don't rebel, you're not cool. (oh, please.) i won't really say i come from a very strict family. i don't really think my parents are that...strict. at least i can still have a proper social life and attend school camps and come home after like, 11. but i know my dad is especially protective over his 3 daughters (and very nicely i am the youngest... ~_~) and he gets (very) paranoid easily..... in which my sisters and i have confirmed that it must be the hormones causing the shit. sigh, menopause. so basically if i'm not home before 10 i'll get concerned phone calls. and as a very responsible daughter (because really, how hard is this to be a responsible person), i will make sure the calls are answered. friends usually ask me if i have a curfew. to be damn honest, technically, i do not have a curfew. my parents have not mentioned to me a specific time that i need to be home by. ever. i realised i have unknowingly make the curfews on my own. "can't be home too late," is usually what i reply with, and i have also realised that everyone of us has a different standard of "too late". singapore is safe, there is nothing big to worry about walking on the streets at 3am. but, why do you think there is a need to walk on the streets at 3am?? why do you want to walk on the streets at 3am???
i believe i am still a very confused child.
sometimes i keep reminding myself that i don't get to spend the rest of my life with my parents/grandma, and it makes me wanna come home. they say you're only young once so you should live the best out of it and enjoy while you can.... so they're all dancing and rolling around on dark floors. sian i still can't comprehend LOL.
lately i realised i don't believe in "work hard, play hard" at this age. you wanna play hard, then work harder. then i'd rather work hard, play less. >:} some people can really strike a balance between work and play, well done, you! i know myself well, i can't do that. i can't even balance on a gym ball for one minute how do i balance MY LIFE, BETWEEN WORK AND PLAY. one of them is gonna sink deeper and you know play does that better. but then maybe it's not that important to strike a balance, is it?
as i said, i spent the entire today writing my essay on bureaucracy and i did some realisation - again. LOL. bureaucracy actually works quite fine for me. maybe that's why i wanna work in the ministry. but bureaucracy does not mean a dead end to thinking and growth. i think it's where you begin.
deng deng deng deng, do you know what i'm trying to say.
hehe
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okay 1am now. picnic tomorrow with the Runners.
i am thinking, we need to chill with the "bonding". shit........... i am acting up again LOL. i guess i take my alone time too seriously.
i guess i am becoming too serious about life already.
but i guess i don't want to change that.
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by the way i bought a new calculator for math....
LOL OKAY BYE
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