什么?

i have a thought, and then, uh oh no no no, nowhere is safe to say it.

I had a dream the other night.
About losing my friends
Getting betrayed and all alone

Even the closest one had her back against me.

Stupid dream. But it was intense.

The other day I had a whatsapp conversation with a friend. My question was being ignored (other stuff answered along with new stuff said) and we carried on talking, my question asked twelve mins ago still ignored.

Until it got lost in the sea of new messages. I thought about asking it again, but then it struck me, "oh, Yknow what, I actually don't fucking care anymore." Or have I even cared in the first place?

A lot of things are said and asked just to feed our curiosity. I hate this, but I commit it too. There are genuine moments, no doubt, but to what extent is that?

Lately I'm just very doubtful about things and friends and people in general and society in a I'm-tryna-be-a-grown-up way - it has become a very complex web of thoughts.

Maybe there are no thoughts at all.

Yesterday I finished reading "The Fault In Our Stars" by john green. I cried a lot, and I mean like the tears wouldn't stop flowing down and I got so upset that I went to nap for a bit before continuing. I was upset that Gus died even though it was predictable, but I just hated it. I didn't like the fact that there are no more chapters to read, although I have no idea what other chapters there could be before the book ends, or should it just never end? But I would get sick of it if it never ended and just talked about hazel's cannula and Gus' fake leg, or van housten's drinking problems, or hazel's dad who couldn't stop crying. Sometimes I don't know what I want, but I just want more. But after having more, it doesn't mean anything anymore.

What?

This post is so odd, I'm sorry. I am sleepy and I have work tmr and I dread it although i don't hate it. I feel like a machine part. And goddammit, Max Weber was right.

Galileo and Kazoku Game are both ending next week sighhhhhh