But I won't let myself be stuck here. Cannot lah, what the shit.
Thank you to my friends who one way or another (haha) replied to the announcement (haha announcement) I made on Facebook. Gave me a lot of courage ya. (: a silly friend said a lot of very thoughtful words, I know they are but honestly I didn't read it. :/ Just did a quick scan. Don't like those words too much nowadays. Or for now lah. Haven't figured out how to react to them, though first emotion is "omg feeling the heat the tears are rolling". Haha. But appreciated that.
A lot of things still make me scrunch, and at the instant I would wish for someone to give me one tight slap so I wake up. Or I can give a someone one tight slap so I'll feel good. Haha. Anyway. Things like,
• Malaysia/Malaysians (sorry sorry sorry to my other Malaysian friends hahaha I don't mean the racist way)
• Bangkok, fucking Bangkok.
• Hotels. maybe like, hotel windsor, to be specific. (are you reading this? If you are, don't shoot me when you read this. Cos you know I'd want to shoot you 10 times more than if you ever want to shoot me)
• Bishan hahahahaha sry Rahul and Joyce and Emanto and Zheyu and other people living here hahaha. I cannot help it.
• Ai-Yu drink. This must have been the poison.
• Badminton. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I was watching BWF today and I just thought how cocky you have been. Oh my god. Like really. I finally understand what E meant. Yaaaa.... Hahaha. But you know it's so sad, in the end you realize, "oh, im in such a tiny circle and the people around me admiring me are just these.... uncles and aunties, afterall...." Nothing's big at all if all you hang around is in this tiny circle. Your runway is so short, how far can you fly? Oh but unless you're powerful like F35 that does vertical takeoff and landing then okay oops I shut up. Okay lah, not everyone needs huge ambitions. A small business is cute. And having a woman that is able to boost my manliness gives me strength, so nothing else matters. Hahaha wtf am I saying.
• I think I should not think of the things that make me scrunch so I will not remember what these things are so in the end there won't be anything that will ever make me scrunch and want to puke.
*****
Sidetracking! (not really)
I reckoned that I ought to understand the words I use. It's the only sensible thing to do, so you know what you're saying and not bullshitting to make yourself look cool. So in order to be truly cool (hahahaha), I went to google the word...
Scumbag!!!
And hahahaha it actually means, in US slang, which should be the origin, "A USED CONDOM"
HAHAHAHA WOW?
very amazed. And it all makes sense. Scum is the slang for semen the guy produces during erection (hahaha im really sry I'm so explicit, blame Norwegian Wood & the other random books I read). And the bag is well, a bag. So semen + bag = used condom.
BINGO. so damn apt I cannot believe the extent of coincidental it has and the brilliance of this word.
****
Did a personality test and they said I have a wicked sense of humor. Hahaha maybe. Getting too wicked, I think. .__. but I'm sane okay. If I'm insane I'd probably charge towards them and cut her face.
I'm not supposed to mention anymore shit about them. Just broke my rule. Now it looks like I haven't gotten over it. Tsk. I'm okay. It takes time. Cuts and wounds don't heal in 3 seconds. And even scars will appear and stay for a while.
They just serve as a reminder to you that you can't let yourself fall and get hurt again. You know how gross and dirty things get. I think I'll let the scar blend into my skin and make it a nice accessory for now. Not bad, makes me look tough. Then one day it disappears because times has changed, just like how trends change and certain fashion just needs to vanish.
Hahahaha my analogies are the weirdest and nonsensical but if you get what I mean, thank you. Hahahaha.
No comments:
Post a Comment